Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
