we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
