Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
