my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
