i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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