Christians are straight up FREAKS
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
