that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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