I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
