Jerry, you need to find god
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
