Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
