Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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