We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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