He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
