Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
