I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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