My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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