Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
