My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I died a long time ago.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
