i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
