Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
