either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
