what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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