so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
