never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
