my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
