that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is it fun? or sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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