Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
