I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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