considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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