I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
