Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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