im about as happy as oj after his trial
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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