you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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