after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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