I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
