she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
