I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
time to smoke my breakfast
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
