69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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