That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
