Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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