video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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