I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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