I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
please don't ironically join a cult
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