I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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