Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All the doctor said was why
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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