They should really pass out barf bags in church
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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