I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
