yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
