Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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