My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
