Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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