Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
