I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
