I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
