Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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