Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
