I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
