She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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