he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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