apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize