Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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