Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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