She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
