If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
