When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What a dumb baby whore.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
