Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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