Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
