How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
