i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
