I've blown a few things in my day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
